Winning business.
Sets the language and actions as a finite game. You win, I lose.
In a competition, so to not lose, you need to crush the other players. That’s your only way to get your bite of the cake. A limited cake.
→ Sets the client as the prize to be won.
You need to win the client. They’re the most precious thing (because they have the money). So you set yourself as a vendor amongst many.
→ Makes you believe that “If you want it hard enough you’ll get it.“
And that’s not how life actually happens.
→ Seeds the fear of losing
You get so close to “winning” that loss aversion kicks in. What if I lose the deal now? As if you ever had it.
So you lose your power to negotiate.
→ Makes you incur into (emotional) sunk costs.
And since you’re already there, you just keep going. Despite all the red flags. Like trying to get into the ocean with a bad surge coming in.
A way out
Don’t win business. Play to get more business.
See how you can stand out in your market.
Find the gaps that are overseen.
Deepen your expertise to be recognized as the expert.
Care enough. Not too much, not too little.
That’s your power.
And just like in Math, if winning is a problem, here’s a formula to get to a solution:
P = db/D
Power = desirability / Desire